Born John Paul Bonser, this Floridian had an average intelligence, little athletic abilitiy, and subpar hygiene, but he wanted to live the American Dream (song 1). So he hoped a Greyhound (S2) and headed to the Mid-West (S3) in hopes of redemption and a better life. But the bus crashed. He, homeless and without a shirt on his back, wondered into the woods (S4) to die. He survived by killing small animals with his trusty Davy Crockett knife (S5) Experiencing cold and starvation and drinking a strange mushroom tea (S6), young John Paul saw his vision animal (a beautiful butterfly with a skeleton face) who told him to rise up, leave the woods, grow a goatee, change his name to Boof, pitch for the Minnesota Twins, and have lots of babies. He need to metamorphosis. And he would. He raced out and stole a car. He then crashed the car (S7) and was rushed by ambulance (S8) not to the hospital but to the metrodome. At the gates of the M-Dome, he finally found peace (S9) and, like a glorious Monarch with a 4.33 ERA, emerged from the cocoon of guilt and fear to become what nature intended...BOOF